Some people long for it. Others get terrified at the very thought of it.
Some long to find that one person to share their lives with; whilst others believe in polygamy.
Some people stick at one job until retirement whereas some struggle to stay in one place for too long.
The funny thing is… a large portion of us share the same reason behind being either a commitment seeker or a commitment-phobe… we’re scared and controlled by our insecurities.
If you like commitment ask yourself; why?
Is it because you like the security? the validation? are you scared to be on your own? do you commit to others so you don’t have the time to commit to yourself?
If you are fearful of commitment ask yourself; why?
Are you scared of failure? Are you unsure you’ll be good enough/live up to expectations? Do you worry that someone with get hurt eventually so why commit in the first place?
I would be very surprised if not one person answered these questions and discovered that they’re stance on commitment is actually fuelled by insecurity and fear.
Whether you don’t want to commit because you’re fearful you wont be enough or whether you want commitment to validate that you are enough because alone you wouldn’t be able to feel that you were… you are coming from a place of insecurity.
So how do we change this? How do we alter our reasons for or against commitment so that it is less about fear and more about empowerment? Less negative and more positive?
You first of need to learn to commit to yourself.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. You are the only person you will, without a doubt, spend the entirety of your life with; you owe it to yourself to not only learn to love who you are but to commit to giving yourself the best chance of a happy life.
How can you be absolutely happy with someone else, or even in a job, if you first aren’t happy with yourself and secondly know that these external factors are supporting the commitment you have to yourself?
By this I mean; if you are committing yourself to a relationship because you don’t want to be alone you are more than likely going to be in the wrong relationship. If you aren’t allowing yourself to stay in a job for more than a year because even though you tell yourself you are bored or that it’s not for you, you’re actually scared that you are way in over your head and through the fear won’t allow yourself to see progression… how are you ever going to get to a point where you can prove to yourself that you can do it and you can climb that ladder?
You need to commit to yourself first, in order to fully commit to others.
Whether your commitment consists of getting yourself to the gym, prepping your meals for the week, having some down time, learning to believe in your capabilities or removing yourself from toxic situations; you need to treat yourself like the most important person in your life (which you are) and commit to doing what is best for you and your happiness.
It’s not selfish; it’s necessary.
Once you commit to yourself you will be able to find the relationship that is meant to be, or the job that you were born to do. When you stop trying to fill that void (by either forcing commitment or running from it) and acknowledge that all you’re really doing it feeding the fear and insecurity, you can then start to truly discover what happiness is and in turn have more to give to your external commitments.
As cheesy as it sounds… Happiness lies within.
Yes we are all effected by external factors but we have the ability to control those effects to a certain degree; and the more secure and committed you are to who you are as a person the easier it will be. The easier it will be to not allow negative influences to take over but instead to either create positives from the negatives or learn how to remove the negatives from the situation all together.
Commitment doesn’t have to be scary; not when it’s right for you.
Commitment shouldn’t fill a void; it should add to your happiness.
Write down some commitments you want to make to yourself and commit to seeing them through.
#bettyoucan #bettican #bettwecan